I haven't occupied this space for some time now.  I am here to say what you probably guessed, which is that I don't intend to continue here.  This chapter has closed.  I am also here because I believe I'm ready to begin the next chapter.  I plan to begin a new blog, one for writing.  I will post a link here when I have the blog set up and ready to go.

In the meantime, I'm going to practice a bit here.  Please offer me feedback if you are able.  That would be valuable to me.  I want to learn to write in a way that is as helpful as possible to my readers.

Protecting Your Time

I am un-apologetically a homemaker.  God structured the home to be an atmosphere where souls are nurtured.  I get the wonderful job of being the one to create that atmosphere.

I have, several times, appreciated the straight-forward advice given to young homemakers by an older, experienced homemaker on a blog called  Home Living.  One of the articles I appreciated this year addresses the topic of protecting a homemaker's time.  There are some good thoughts here, worth the time to read them.  The main thing I took away with me on my first reading was a conviction that my husband and children should be getting the very best of my mental and physical energies, not the leftovers, once I've expended them on other endeavors or concerns.  This is not an excuse to flake out on people and ignore responsibilities, but rather insurance that you don't end up doing that.

"To redeem something means to regain possession of it, or to free it.  Homemakers really do need to be cautious about allowing their time to be put into captivity. If they do not practice protecting it, they might find it slipping away, and they will lose that sense of freedom that a woman at home is supposed to feel."

Contagious Tranquility

Mark 5:27-30

"When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment.  For she said, 'If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well.'  Immediately the fountain of her blood was dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of the affliction.  And Jesus, immediately knowing in Himself that power had gone out of Him, turned around in the crowd and said, 'Who touched My clothes?'"

Peter used this passage this week in one of our family worship times.  He made the point that while sickness is usually contagious and transferred from one person to another, wellness is not passed in the same way.  In this story, Jesus does not become infected by the affliction of the sick woman.  Rather, he transfers His purity or cleanness to her and she is made well.  

On a separate thought, I was considering a chapter from one of Rachel Jankovic's books, Loving the Little Years, entitled "I Am a Racquetball Court."  Rachel does a good job effectively using examples and images to illustrate her points.  In this chapter she says she likes to picture herself as a racquetball court, with her small children being the the players, hurling balls at her.  She uses this imagery to help her remember that she wants to "take a bad attitude with a lot of spin and turn it into a quiet little ball rolling across the floor."  She says also, "...it is my job to absorb the shock."  

I find a connection between Peter's point about Jesus in the passage in Mark 5 and what Rachel has written about being a racquetball court.  Jesus physically healed sickness.  He performed miraculous acts of healing.  In that way, we don't need to strive to be like Him.  But perhaps this story of the woman who touched His garment is a helpful picture of how we want to imitate His nature, transferring peace and the love of Christ to others who are stirred up and stuck in sin as opposed to to joining them in their misery.  

There is only one way to be able to do this.  We must keep our focus on Christ, directly in front of us.  If we focus on being a good example, or on what someone will think of us, or on trying to fix someone or solve their problems we will inevitably fail to transfer the peace of Christ, which only comes from Christ.  We will also fail to keep ourselves clean, which is also something that only comes from Christ.

The Road to the Next Duty is the Only Straight One

I just started a new read aloud with the kids.  It's a George MacDonald book that I've wanted for a while and my sister recently sent me a copy.  "The Princess and Curdie" happens to be the sequel to the well-known story "The Princess and the Goblin," which we have read multiple times.  We read the well-written, though brief, first chapter right away and I loved some of the lines at the end of it: 

"The king had been so pleased with the boy - then approaching thirteen years of age - that when he carried away his daughter he asked him to accompany them; but he was still better pleased with him when he found that he preferred staying with his father and mother.  He was a right good king and knew that the love of a boy who would not leave his father and mother to be made a great man was worth ten thousand offers to die for his sake, and would prove so when the right time came.  

As for his father and mother, they would have given him up without a grumble, for they were just as good as the king, and he and they understood each other perfectly; but in this matter, not seeing that he could do anything for the king which one of his numerous attendants could not do as well, Curdie felt that it was for him to decide...

...Peter and his wife, however, were troubled with the fancy that they had stood in the way of their boy's good fortune.  It would have been such a fine thing for him and them, too, they thought, if he had ridden with the good king's train...

...The good, kind people did not reflect that the road to the next duty is the only straight one, or that, for their fancied good, we should never wish our children or friends to do what we would not do ourselves if we were in their position.  We must accept righteous sacrifices as well as make them."

Slave of All?

I was recently considering the phrase, "Whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant."  I just looked up the passage and Jesus goes on in His teaching to His disciples,

"And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all.  For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."  Mark 10:43b-45

Especially the idea of "slave of all" stands out to me.  I've been mulling over it for a few days.  I've been considering my life and my choices and trying to match it up.  Do I serve others as a slave to them?   What would that look like?  Do I lay my life down for the people God has placed in my life?  I think I do.  I mean, many or most of the tasks I perform in a day are important services for my children and for the improvement of our home, whereby everybody benefits.  It would seem that my life is devoted to serving others...but...is it?  

My spouse and I have been talking through some conflict off and on this week and it was this that caused me to consider further if I am really taking a servant's mindset.  I was noticing last night how much I want to lean on him and depend upon him, which affects my decision-making.  If he is reading to the kids, I am just glad that he's handling it so that I can get something else done or get a minute to myself.  I disappear.  Then I'm nowhere around when it's time to put the kids to bed and he ends up doing it.  If he regularly pitches in with the dishes, I begin to assume that he will take care of that and I can use the time to accomplish a personal task that's important to me.  I had been thinking of these types of decisions more in the light of being task-oriented and dividing labor effectively.  But I find I am being naive about my motives in certain regards and actually depending on him instead of being dependable for him.   

These days I don't like to waste time.  I want to get a lot done and there is A LOT to do!  Sometimes other people are just too slow for me.   Let me emphasize the last words of that last sentence, for me.  (doesn't really sound like the slave of all, does it?)  Being task-oriented can be good.  But I think it can actually militate against a true servant mindset sometimes.  It takes setting aside my own agenda, no matter how good it is, to just be available for others, whatever they need.  Man, that can be hard.  It isn't wasted time, but it sure can feel like it initially.  When I realize that I view it that way, then I can see how it must come across to those who are depending upon me. 

My pride resists this kind of self-rebuke.  The things I'm doing are important.  Really, I ought to be recognized for them.  But the truth is that the people around me need to feel important.  Important enough that I stop everything to be there for them (not just for emergencies).  That I set aside my own goals to be actively pursuing activities that will make them feel supported and able to depend upon me. 

I was considering Jesus' life as I was mulling over these thoughts.  He made Himself the embodiment of other people's needs.  I have begun a Bible-reading program for the new year and look forward to working my way through the gospels and focusing on looking at His life, that I might gain more insight into how to live this way.

A Central Criteria for Living Correctly

Gal 5:14  For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." 

I have found lately that my fundamental decision-making criteria is being shaped into the simple directive above.  God has made me a parent.  Parenting can seem so complicated.  There are so many choices.  Which specifics do I make an issue over with my child/children?   I guess I had better do something about the screaming tantrum, but why?  How important is it whether or not I push my child to eat his green vegetables?  What about sharing a cherished toy with another child?  This only gets harder as the kids get bigger and there are more of them.

As the Lord has convicted me of my own blindness and sin and graciously allowed me to be refined by His revelation, these parenting questions are getting simpler for me.  Parenting is essentially teaching children to live correctly.  Correct living is defined by God as revealed in His Word.  Only as He shows me how to live correctly myself can I exemplify it and teach my children to do it.  All of God's Word is useful for learning correct living, but Galations 5:14 tells us that the whole law is fulfilled in one word.  Amazing!  "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Every moment of every day I should be asking myself, "What SHOULD I be doing right now?"  The answer is based on the criteria given in the Galations directive.  Taking all things into consideration, what do the people around me, that God has given me responsibilities towards, need from me right now? 

When I wake in the morning, there are some basic things that usually always need doing.  Most of the time the answer to the above question is going to include showing my kids consistency through: making my bed, straightening my room, putting thought and a little time into my appearance to look nice for them throughout the day, reading my Bible, greeting them each cheerfully, meeting any immediate needs such a diaper changes or help getting dressed, giving directions and getting breakfast started.  Usually the most pressing need is for consistency in these things so that the children believe that they actually are important and I/we do them for a reason.  All of the things that I just listed, but especially consistency in doing them, by the way, are not my strength.  Victory in this has only been recent.  

Sometimes the most pressing need changes and this is where my true motives can be tested.  Each day when I wake up, I don't know exactly what I'm waking up to.  God has it planned and He doesn't always mean for me to to get that shower I needed or the quiet time of reading I was trying to be consistent at.  Should I be OK with this?  How do I know when this is from God or when it's my emotions getting in the way?  Loving my neighbor, doing what's best for those around me is the criteria. 

For example, having a long conversation with my daughter about the meltdown she's having about her favorite shirt being in the laundry and not available to wear might be exactly what is most loving and needed and my goal of starting school at 9:00 isn't what God had in mind after all.  I need to let it go.  There's no failure or need for feelings of failure because I didn't keep to the schedule, if I was faithful to do what the Lord had for me.  Another time, I might perceive that the need for my daughter to conform to the schedule for the sake of the whole family is just the lesson she needs taught and the long conversation isn't going to be the ticket.  Either way, my heart is at peace with whatever parenting task the Lord has for me and that's the key.

Becoming flexible in this way is entirely freeing.  I serve one master, Jesus Christ.  I am not in bondage to a lot of rules and programs.

A big part of this process of learning for me has included becoming comfortable with "mess."  How can one have victory in consistency and increase in tidy habits while becoming more comfortable with "mess," you say?  Though it sounds contradictory, the first two things are only possible with the third one coming into play.  Getting uptight about a disaster or sin or whatever mess there is, never helped anyone to overcome it.  It's bondage to rules and programs that creates this uptight-ness and frustration when things don't go as planned or look like what I pictured.  The tranquility that comes with dependence on Christ, looking at the big picture in the midst of a mess is exactly what gives me the fortitude to continue on the path and persevere with clean-up.

Functioning with a central criteria also helps me know what to "put my foot down" about when it comes to taking up issues with my kids.  The main thing that I shouldn't tolerate is behavior that runs over or hurts others.  Of course, I can only teach this if I, myself, am behaving this way in the lesson.  I must not tolerate it while not tolerating it in a loving and kind way.  I used to be so muddled in my head about where to place compassion and where to exert authority.  I see now that I gave "compassion" to my children many times when their heart was wrong, they were harming others or in rebellion.  That was not biblical compassion at all.  I see now that that was extremely unloving behavior that enforced their sin and made it look OK.  While my motive may have been somewhat sound, my actions were in reality selfish, unloving and harmful to my child.  Real compassion teaches a child when his heart is selfish and does not protect him or make excuses for him in his selfishness.

Singing & Slaying: Book Review: When Helping Hurts

 

Singing & Slaying: Book Review: When Helping Hurts: When Helping Hurts: How to Alleviate Poverty Without Hurting the Poor . . . and Yourself by Steve Corbett My rating: 4 of 5 stars Just a...


Peter reviewed the book When Helping Hurts earlier this year and you can find his worthwhile review at the link above.  We read the book together and I find the concepts are applicable this time of year (think soup kitchens and other charity ministries).

I also find that the concepts illuminate a lot of trouble and mistakes I've made in the past and continue to make in personal relationships.  Peter says in his review, "They [the authors] encourage Christians to never do for someone else what they can do for themselves."  This is, admittedly, a tricky balance to find when we want to obey the scriptural directive to give generously.  I continue to find ways that my giving isn't about giving what is truly helpful to someone else. It is actually about making myself look wise (giving random advice on the internet or elsewhere?), keeping my kids dependent on me, "fixing" someone else so that I'm not embarrassed by them or other terrible motives.  Yesterday Peter said to me that he thought women, in general, were prone to wanting to be helpful.  That's a nice way to say it.  I think he's right, but that doesn't mean we do what is actually helpful, more like what we think is helpful.  I know he gives me the benefit of the doubt a lot on this kind of thing.  He's generous like that.  :-)

Happy Thanksgiving

Last night during our family worship time, Peter asked "Directly after Jesus was baptized and the Holy Spirit descended, what happened next?"  The kids answered that he went into the wilderness to be tempted by Satan for 40 days and 40 nights.  Peter shared that we shouldn't be surprised that isolation and temptation were the very next things after the coming of the Holy Spirit and baptism.  We, as Christians, shouldn't be surprised or disappointed when we find ourselves sent out alone to do battle, where no one else sees, either.  The truth is that we're not alone, just as Jesus was not.  God gives the Holy Spirit and He is fighting the battles for us.

I am thankful this Thanksgiving, that through the battle and isolation God brings about a slow transfer of our reliance on people and their affirmation to a reliance on Him as we see Him conquer the Foe for us. 

Bronwyn Turns 2

 Bronwyn is our 2nd October baby.  Going back to when we had leaves on the trees, here's a few pictures of her birthday celebration.

 She is picking out a pumpkin pancake from the big pile flipped by her brothers and sisters for her pancake feast.

 Breakfast for dinner makes Bronwyn happy!  Actually, I think we were singing the birthday song to her.  She loved it.

 This was her first time to open gifts when she knew what she was doing.  But she still required a lot of help.

 She needed some explanation and demonstration to see that this was a flashlight with several functions.

 Now she understands.

 Yum, yum fruit snacks.

 More explanation and assistance.

 Bronwyn's sisters picked out a set of plastic horses for her because she can comb their hair and take them in the bathtub.

 "Here's the comb..."

 Finishing with dessert, of course.  We made blooming roasted apples from a recipe shared on Pinterest.

She knows how to celebrate!

Writing as Obedience

I do not like writing.  It does not make me happy.  It is tedious and full of all kinds of detail that I hate to worry about or mess with.  This probably accounts for why I've never worked on it and improved my ability to do it.

The Lord has been showing me that I have had a view of obedience to Him that could be summed up by "doing what He says when it is what I want to do or planned to do anyway."  I'm slowly beginning to experience, not just mentally assent, that real submission is doing what is required of me at this time that I don't want to do.  I know.  It seems basic.  But somehow I'm only beginning to get it and really work on it and one of the things that I'm painfully exercising this in right now is...writing.